Sadly, clubbing is no more a safe space for women than gigs are. Some of the stories I’ve had for this section are jaw-dropping, with quite extraordinary examples that should never, ever be happening.
Repeater: 001.2: Experiences of Women at Clubs
Related and Links
In addition, there are a number of examples where staff of said venues are involved, which is wrong on so many levels. They are the people that are meant to be assisting clubbers, and deal with any trouble – not cause it.
As before, this post is to allow women to speak about their experiences for themselves.
Obviously, please bear in mind that there are some pretty distressing stories amid this, and a number feature some fairly graphic descriptions of what happened – some of these stories describe serious sexual assaults and rape as well as sexist behaviour. Readers are advised to be cautious, particularly those likely to be triggered by such descriptions.
I went to the Ministry of sound in early 2013 (ish), and was reminded why I pretty much never go to ‘normal’ clubs and almost always go to goth clubs. Over the course of the evening, I got groped/assaulted three times, including being full on punched (in the head and shoulder). I had to spend most of the evening literally directly in front of my partner. I got groped every time I left him (even to go to the ladies). One thing I’ve found is that this happens a lot less (not never, but less) at goth clubs.
“I got grabbed in the crotch by a guy handing out flyers in the doorway.”
Second, I was at an industrial club in the midlands. A friend came up behind me and grabbed my ass. Having checked it was someone I knew (!) I was ok with that. What I wasn’t ok with is that some random guy I’d never seen before then came up to him and said something to the affect of: ‘I would love to do that.’ To which my friend, well-meant, said ‘the lovely lady’s boyfriend is my best friend, so it’s ok that I do this.’ To which I had to say, ‘actually, it’s ok because WE’RE friends – it’s not up to my partner who gets to touch me. It’s up to me.’
I used to go clubbing a lot, and eventually worked as a dancer. This is back when I was 16 to 22. Groping was so common I can’t recall individual incidents anymore. But there are a few other things that stand out. I was sexually assaulted a few times. A few times I remember. In at least two different occasions, in different clubs, different men walked away with me whilst my friend was flirting or whatever, got me alone in a quieter part of the club, and – I think it’s what the kids called third base back then, but I’ve since learnt is baked digital rape. It was that be quiet or we’ll get into trouble thing. I could get away once I saw my friend. Or she was nearby. They backed off enough, when I wasn’t alone.
I was pinned against a wall by a guy, and his friends stopped mine getting to me, and that was kinda scary. But she made enough noise, and lifted one out the way (quite something!) and they let me go.
One time a friend was being hit on, and he wouldn’t take no… So much I stepped in front of her (to keep him out her space) so… It was strange. He got my hand and was bending it back, whilst grinning at me. He was saying unpleasant things. It made me mad that he wanted to, intended to hurt her, and I lashed out. He went backwards, and the bouncers removed him. Apparently he was arrested outside for assaulting a police officer, trying to get back in.
One time I was raped in a club. The guy pulled me off the dance floor in an urgent way, so I went with him – like something might be wrong… He took me into the deserted stairwell, a staff only place, and down to a middle landing. He had people waiting outside the doors at the top, back in the club. It seemed so surreal. It was just… So this is what’s happening now. One of his friends gave me a cigarette when we came back up. And I went back to my friend. She was dancing with people, but had started to worry. I don’t remember the rest of the night. I didn’t tell anyone.
There were other times I was raped after clubbing
Like a group would go back to crash, and once alone (I was always the single one) there was almost always a guy presuming we’d have sex, and of those there were the ones who took that presumption as… well to conclusion
When I was dancing, a few times people put cigarettes out on my arm.
I found your Scene less awful, but I was with a bigger group when I started going to more alternative venues
Then it was only really groping “only”
“I find the alt scene is better for this stuff than mainstream clubs and gigs, but do think there is a tendency within the ‘scene’ to pretend that we are all lovely people who wouldn’t do anything bad, and that harassment doesn’t happen at ‘our’ events.”
Literally every time I go out to a club I get groped. Guys grinding on my from behind, sticking their erection in my ass. One guy walked up behind me in the street and one hand grabbed a boob, the other hand grabbed my crotch. I fight back but get called frigid, slut, lesbian. Most of my friends don’t say anything because they think it’s just given that this shit happens. However this shit is mild compared to other stuff I’ve been through but I can imagine you will be bombarded with information as it happens to every girl.
My worst experience in a club was probably the time bouncers started talking to me when I’d come out of the club for some air, then grabbed me, took me into a private room, told me I’d been teasing them and I was going to pay up. I think what happened next is kind of obvious.
Also notable and worthy of mention, having some guy behind me in a coat check line slide his arms around me and his hand down under my waistband and starting fingering me before I over rode my freeze instinct and elbowed him.
Gigs generally better though often involving groping and random grabs. More likely to be in a tight group with friends staying together at a gig though.
Tl:dr. Sometimes being female sucks.
Had to smash my phone off a man’s face one time because he touched my butt
Only the standard ones of men putting arms around my middle, pouring a drink down my top, literally standing on me, plus inappropriate comments about my weight, bust etc, groping etc…
I once got handcuffed to a bar by a guy in Leeds who thought he was being funny and sexually charming in some way. Fortunately it was a bar I’d been to a lot and the regulars prevented him from being physically inappropriate whilst ensuring the keys were provided to me to release myself rather quickly.
The same stuff as others, I’ve literally stomped through a man’s shoes with my stiletto heel when he refused to stop touching my arse in a pub (he’d had three warnings).
Friends of mine had to intervene after leaving a pub in Bradford when a drunk man insisted I was getting into his taxi and going home with him and would not take no from me for an answer.
They apparently thought they were hilarious – note that this was 4pm on a Saturday as well so I wasn’t especially sexually dressed and neither one of us could have been described as drunk
“It’s always amazing to me that so many guys aren’t aware that this goes on at all. Believe me guys, you can have a mate who you think is a top, safe bloke, but all your girl mates think he’s a total sleazy perv but never bother to mention it to you because the drama isn’t worth it”
Actually I’ve had an experience with handcuffs in a bar. 18/19 in a bar in Leeds. chatting to group of people I’d just met – ended up handcuffed to one while they took me to a nightclub. Cops actually stopped us on way to ask if everything was ok. I said I didn’t know the people I was with and they were taking me somewhere i didn’t know. They just laughed and said enjoy yourself. Now the night turned out to be epic. Great club night, lots of awesome music etc, but at the time I kinda ‘went with the flow’ as I was a lot younger than them and a bit drunk. Looking back maybe wasn’t the best thing to have done.
Sexually assaulted (causing bleeding) while holding on to people in an attempt to remain standing on my stilts. Unable to turn round to identify perpetrator. Then told by venue owner that two performers being sexually assaulted on the same night wasn’t a good enough reason to give performers the code to get to the private area, as his bar staff need to be able to know that their bags are safe!
My experiences include, but are not limited to:
* Being groped
* Beer thrown over my head
* My rings taken off my hands and flung on the dancefloor because I wouldn’t dance with a dude
I’ve been groped on the under carriage and my boobs more times than I can count…. scariest was the time a man followed me into loos luckily there were other gals in the loos so he then looked shifty and left… I know at slimes someone had something so horrid happen we then always went to the loo in groups so it had no chance of happening again….
Ugh, reminds me of the time some guy cornered me when I was in the ladies in a club I didn’t know anyone and there was no window to crawl out of. He was harassing me, I went in there to get away.
A number of years ago. The Krazy House in Liverpool opened a 3rd floor.
For people that don’t know. It’s a metal/alternative nightclub.
When they opened the 3rd floor it become a dance floor. Not for the alternative folk.
It become “normal” for guys to sleaze on us Alt girls. Thinking we was “up for anything'” because of the way we dressed .
One night I was dancing with my female friends on the dance floor. A man walked over to me. Tried to stick his tounge in my mouth and grope me in full view
I punched him so hard in the face he flew across the dance floor.
He was then taken outside by the bouncers.
I carried on dancing. Wasn’t spoiling my night.
Bouncers also had a “good night” 😆
I went there once & encountered the same “wearing a low cut top so must be up for it” attitude from a mainstream guy. Nothing as bad as what happened to you though.
“Literally every time I go out to a club I get groped. Guys grinding on my from behind, sticking their erection in my ass. One guy walked up behind me in the street and one hand grabbed a boob, the other hand grabbed my crotch. I fight back but get called frigid, slut, lesbian.”
Oh remembered another one that happened at a normally super friendly nightclub.
Chatted to a bloke early on, explained I was connected to the crew running the night, thought no more of it. Lots of chatty people.
(Detail – I am short, in regular heels I reach around 5ft5 ish)
Was dancing away from main dancefloor, got grabbed from behind by the wrists by the guy who proceeded to dance me around like a marionette. I shouted at home to let me go and f off, as well as trying to kick backwards (whilst balancing on heels) to try to get him to release me. Other female friends seeing what was going on from in front of me also started yelling at him.
One of my best male friends then entered the room, saw what was happening, grabbed him off of me and had him thrown off the premises.
Snobs in Birmingham. Other people loved it, I went twice; first time it just felt like a meat market, second time it was much the same and I was groped on the dancefloor. This is getting on for 20 years ago so it might be better now but you’ll never convince me to go back and find out!
Sleazy men in clubs – more times than I can think of, including having total strangers put their hand up my skirt on more than one occasion.
I don’t know if it counts but one time years ago as I left the Electric Ballroom (so technically outside the club) I got grabbed in the crotch by a guy handing out flyers in the doorway.
Though I see people are also talking about ones they won… One of the times was in a club in Northampton, the DJ booth was up a sequence of steps. I was standing up the top, chatting to my friend who was DJing. Sleazy blokes sitting down the bottom, one of them keeps putting his hand up my skirt. I ask them to stop, they snigger. The next time he does it I turn round and kick him in the head, in New Rocks. His mates laugh. Of course at the after party this guy turns out also to be a friend of my friend, the DJ and his housemates, and is also there. Sigh. Though since I’m down for an interview and actually staying in this house, they throw him out of the party.
Basically, we aren’t seen as humans on first sight by many chaps, we are “things”.
Things can be grabbed because they don’t matter.
My friends know me as a very talkative, geeky, well read and sometimes quick witted person, I’m also annoying and daft in my own special ways like we all are – I’m human.
However to a stranger I am just a small big haired big breasted easily grabbed object unlikely to resist due to fear just there for the taking.
When I was a student in Leeds some club nights were renowned for it, we called them ‘meat markets’.
Going out on a weekend, it was quite normal to be groped walking through the crowds or on the dance floor. It was so common I really can’t remember any specific instances. In the end we just went elsewhere – there was no shortage of club nights in Leeds.
I did once get stalked at a beer festival in Durham. Some guy argued with his wife; she threw her wedding ring which hit my foot so I gave it back to him – that was enough to become a target.
If my friends & I gave him the slip between the different rooms, he searched for me. He even stripped down to his vest & boxer shorts (grim) in front of me on the dance floor & tried to dance up close to me. No-one kicked him out even after that so we left & got a taxi home even for the short distance we had to go as I wasn’t sure if he’d follow us back there too.
Oh and I should add the dance floor was empty, people were just stood round the edges chatting when a live band started up and he did his striptease for me. I can still picture it now (he had Homer Simpson boxer shorts on).
And a more recent one that happened to me, rather than just being observed, when Reptile was briefly at that weird tiki bar place downstairs on the island at Archway. I’d not been to the venue before and didn’t realise that I was apparently blocking an entrance while queuing to get in. Rather than asking me to move, one of the bouncers pushed me – and not by the arm or the shoulder but on my arse. I ended up not reporting it, as I was wearing a long coat and was up a couple of steps from him, so I figured he had plausible deniability on his side for it having been ‘accidental’ that that was where he touched me, but it freaked me out so badly that I couldn’t feel safe around the people who were *supposed to keep the place safe* that I could barely stop shaking and ended up leaving less than half an hour later.
At the shambles in Whitby a few years ago (80s night) a guy who I assume was a local unaware of the night (I might be wrong but only going on the fact that him and his friends were dressed in football tops etc and didn’t seem to know anyone there, again, know I might be wrong) put his hands UP MY HOTPANTS at the bar then tried to deny it when I questioned him. I told him I was going to call the police, then he saw my partner walking over looking angry and legged it.
I cannot even count the number of times I’ve been kissed or fondled without my consent. It happens nearly every single time I go out, to any club or gig, unless I am with a protective circle of friends.
Such things barely even register anymore they’re so commonplace, which says something, I think.
It’s weird, this is all standard expectations for girls. It’s always amazing to me that so many guys aren’t aware that this goes on at all. Believe me guys, you can have a mate who you think is a top, safe bloke, but all your girl mates think he’s a total sleazy perv but never bother to mention it to you because the drama isn’t worth it (not being believed, being expected to be ‘civil’ and not make a scene, not make things awkward). You would just never see that side of him because he only acts that way to females.
I know a few people I have been advised by female friends to give a wide berth to, others just brush their behaviours off as if its just what some people are like.
Many years ago, Loki actually threw a guy out of Slimes himself, for groping one of my female friends and not taking fuck off for an answer….
Raw nightclub, Whitby goth weekend about 5 years ago:
I was by one of the pillars, keeping an eye on the drinks whilst my friends went to the loo.
Someone came up from behind, grabbed my ass and I kind of froze. Because I froze, his hand slid down and around and his fingers pushed up. Then my vag was full of underwear and some assholes fingers.
It all happened in a split second and by the time I unfroze, there was just a back and hat dissapearing in to the crowded dancefloor.
I went back to the cottage I was renting and vomited. And vomited and vomited.
Sorry if this is a bit grim, but yeah.
And now I’m going to have a bit of a cry because it still upsets me, but it has to be talked about because it shouldn’t have happened and it shouldn’t happen to anyone else.
Saying goodnight to Brummie Jim at Old Corp once, I felt my arse being extremely groped. Turned round and unlike usual, the guy hadn’t sidled off – he was standing there, leering at me, clearly *very* pleased with himself. So I slapped him. He grabbed both my wrists and told me “You can’t fucking touch me, bitch” and started to force me to the ground. So I kicked him in the nuts. He went straight down, and at this point his mates noticed . . . but assumed that the responsible party was the 6’2 bloke behind me. Jim was a stoner at the time so had NO idea what was going on, and I had to jump up and down shouting in between to them to make my point. Happily at that point his mates apologised and carried him out of the club.
Another time at corp I threatened a guy who was insisting “that dressed like that I must be up for it” with being smeared in my menstrual blood. Happily, or possibly sadly, someone intervened before I enacted this threat.
I once found an outfit I thought would solve these problems; it was covered in one inch metal spikes and even people who liked me were a tad wary of hugs, to say the least. Some dude walking towards me was staring at my cleavage anyways but hey, who would touch spiky tits, right? Wrong; he stuck his face right down the *top* of the outfit, in between my boobs. I hoiked him out using my thumb in his eyeball and then . . . he complained??!!!
It’s not just men! I regularly have to tell off other women who think it’s perfectly acceptable because I have huge boobs to grab them! And for that matter gay men! I don’t fucking care if you identify as a fucking attack helicopter get your hands off my tits before I break your fingers!
One of my earliest clubing memories was at Chicos, when some waste of space asked me how much I charged. Other than that, most places I’ve been to some degree or another with the not taking no/fuckoff/not interested and mild to middling groping. It has decreased a bit over the last few years, but that could be more related to my change to “comfortable” clubbing wear
i don’t remember ever getting felt up at a gig, but it happened at the ballroom more than once. the time that bothered to me the most, they weren’t actually touching me. towards the end of the night i was taking to a friend in the downstairs foyer area. i thought something wasn’t right & looked over my shoulder. i was wearing a tutu (& a pair of tight cotton “boxer” shorts – not sexy.) there were two male normals standing behind me, one either side, bent over staring at my ass & one of them was holding up the back of my tutu so they could get a better look. once i could speak, i started screaming at them. i resisted getting physical because i didn’t want to get banned from the club, but although one of the guys started apologising, the other one, the one who’d been holding my tutu, started repeating the stuff i was screaming at him to mock me and he was laughing. i felt powerless because i felt that if i hit him, i’d be considered the aggressor because he hadn’t “done” anything. fortunately, a male goth i didn’t know who was substantially taller than i, stepped between me & the twats & advised them to leave me alone & go. & they did.
this kind of crap is one of the reasons i’m grateful for my height. i get targeted less because of it. this is also one of the reasons i only tend to go to alternative clubs. casuals see the way goths dress as an invitation. most (not all) alternative types understand otherwise.
My scariest experience was actually a taxi driver in leeds who once dropping me off at my house decided to grope and try kiss me, it was terrifying at the time, though I punched him and was then even more worried he’d call the police on me!
The playing york in my previous post was most likely more age related.
Yeah, getting home has been hairy for me too. One taxi driver locked all the doors and said if I kissed him I could have the journey for free. I was violently abusive, he let me out, but I was petrified that he knew where I lived and where I hung out.
I wouldn’t be able to say how many times I’ve been touched and groped by strangers in bars and at gigs, but one occasion stands out in my memory, on which I angrily turned around and asked him why he thought it was appropriate behaviour. I was met with “fuck off, slut” and he spat at the ground in front of me.
The mind boggles.
As a few of the comments here suggest, it happens so often that we don’t even think to recall it.
Unfortunately, regardless of the scene, it seems to be something we can just expect to happen -especially if it’s ‘only’ ending up in an uncomfortable and forced conversation, where “I have a boyfriend” is the only thing that works, because a man like that will respect another man’s “property” over a woman’s ability and right to simply say “no”.
You’re exactly right. It’s such a commonplace thing that I actually started thinking I had none of these stories. And then I remembered the guy who put his hand up my skirt “to check what underwear I had on” while queueing for a club. And the guy who followed me around for a whole night at a gig so I ended up having to hide behind my friends until he went away. And the next thing and the next…
Exactly! I’ve had to do the spectacular elongated neck thing to stop men from breathing on/kissing my face and neck so many times it’s ridiculous, or slide away from a man’s hand, and so on, and so on, ad nauseum!
It’s really sad.
I know exactly the “neck thing” you mean! Ugh.
I’ve actually been really lucky in goth clubs or goth nights at mixed venues. Any time I’ve had groping, grabbing etc I’ve had great help from the bouncers or retaliated and the bouncers have backed me up. At a rock club however they didn’t give a shit because he was a ‘regular’, which meant I was never going to be.
If you wanted to introduce a symbol for men in clubs to wear to indicate that they’re not horrors then it would be most welcome from my pov.
Only the unfortunate standard stuff… Except for in slimes only my second time there 1999 and a guy basically kept following me around the place, being very close to me after I had responded to his ‘hello’ at the bar with ‘hi… Nice ring’s’… He had nice dragon finger covers…. It to to point were I was about to leave as he was literally breathing down my neck… When I used my height to sneak between some tall men in hi vis jackets tutus and ear spirals… The asked what I was doing explained not pushing in just trying to avoid the guy…. They looked saw him and said ohhh him…. And then put an arm around my shoulder said we’ll look after you and for next three hours I had a protector they were great guys
2 weeks ago at Grand Cru in Edinburgh, I was standing at the bar waiting to be served and a drunk guy actually rubbed himself against my hip. I told him to move or I’d wrap him balls around his neck. He then called me a whore and started shouting at the bartender for serving me. The bartender got the bouncers to throw him out.
As someone who used to frequent clubs, scantily clad as a teenager, I never had this problem back then. I never felt unsafe or that I had to be on my guard at all times 15years ago. I don’t think I was naive back then, no guy ever rubbed his penis on my hip when I was a teenager.
Same. Definitely got worse
I remember being at Slimes a few years ago and some guy followed me round. He saw me getting my coat to leave at about 3am so in order to avoid him I rushed out without checking the A to Z like I’d normally have done, thinking I could just get a bus round the corner, but all the bus stops had been suspended. I ended up walking to KX on my own at 3am just to start from somewhere I knew – not a nice experience.
I had my drink spiked at B Movie by some not- regulars and had to be poured into a taxi. I’ve had men the up skirt photos or video in fetish clubs. I’ve had a guy grab my braids and slap them like reigns. Those are just a few memories beside the groping in gig crowds, being followed at bus stops, etc. Could write two decades of memories similar to this.
I could write an essay on this topic. I’ll just give you the worst club experience: Belfast, aged 17, standing in the cloakroom queue, a man who was probably late 20s/early 30s came up behind me and pulled my skirt up. I shouted “get off!” and he punched me in the back of the head. I tried not to cry but when I felt his hands coming back again, I punched him in the nose. A bouncer was just standing, watching this. Worst gig experience as musician: gig in Wakefield, man sat at the front with two fingers up waggling his tongue at me for our entire set, interspersed with yelling “I’d fuck the bassist!” Made me nervous knowing that I was going to have to walk to the train station on my own after the gig. And not worst, but most irritating experience at gig as audience member: in the Tiger Lounge in Manchester, being asked by smirking promoter when I tried to pay in, “er, you do know this is a noisecore gig, right?”
Mainstream and “normal” student nights were the worst (no-one harrasses me these days; getting older is brilliant). Former experiences:
* Enveloped in huge, sweaty hug from massive stranger while I was trying to dance. Had to punch my way out.
*Body-spamming – people (male, invariably) grinding on my arse uninvited
*Being just stood in front of
*Being burned with cigarettes
*Being pushed past/ over by cunts on the way to the front
*arse-grabbing (I got very good at elbows and tripping)
*touching my fucking hair. Ugh
*having my circle of female friends dancing invaded by Some Dickhead, who’d invariably try to gyrate against every one in turn
*being trod on
*having my teeshirt pulled up and my underwear mocked loudly
Other than that, otherwise fine…
Back in the early 2000’s I worked on the bar and cloakroom at the Students Union at Manchester Uni. Generally it wasn’t too bad, and our security guys really looked after us, but one standout incident was the guy who came to the bar, ordered his drink perfectly politely, then asked me ‘do you give good head?’ Told him ‘Not to you’, took his drink away, and had him removed from the premises. My worst harassment there was actually from another staff member, my rapist who I had then dated for Reasons, and who used the fact that he worked security there to stalk me, harass me while I was working, and generally be an abusive twit. Management were good in that they prevented him from taking bar shifts or working at the same time as me, and my shift choices were prioritised over his, but he remained employed.
Attending gigs and club nights when not working is a different matter, and to be honest there are just too many of what might be termed ‘minor’ incidents to count or really remember individually. Being groped, grinding up against me on the dance floor or at the bar, following me around a nightclub, one guy spent a full 3 day festival trying to convince me to sleep with him, despite me being very clear from the start that it wasn’t going to happen, comments on my clothes, etc etc. Don’t go out much these days so nothing that recent.
I find the alt scene is better for this stuff than mainstream clubs and gigs, but do think there is a tendency within the ‘scene’ to pretend that we are all lovely people who wouldn’t do anything bad, and that harassment doesn’t happen at ‘our’ events.
There was that one time at Slimes where I accidentally trod on a guy who was crawling on the floor trying to lick my boots / look up my skirt. More recently, I’ve been groped, told to “go find my boyfriend” instead of taking up space at the front (because women don’t really enjoy metal dontyaknow), and turned around in a crowd to find some guy holding my hair and stroking the end of my (mid-thigh-length) braid over his crotch, which – of all of the things probably freaked me out most, to the degree that I always wear my hair *up* for gigs now.
Mine are mostly from clubs, I can’t remember having any negative experience at gigs tbh. The ones that stick out for me are –
*when I went to a foam party on holiday age 17 and was groped numerous times having my breasts grabbed or vagina grabbed. It was scary as you couldn’t see anyone or anything really.
*being with friends around 16 in an alt club – I’ve forgotten the exact details but some kind of altercation happened and a friend was shoved, hard. I think the dudes were removed but when we went to leave, they were waiting outside.
*bum pinching. Just constantly. This seems to happen all the time
A good 12 or so yrs ago. Being dragged/carried kicking/screaming up 2 flights of stairs at student union club night past hella people watching thinking it was just japes. And in the end it was (ie he was doing it for the bants rather than to actually take me anywhere to further assault me) but I didn’t find it that funny – first flight of stairs i was not amused, second flight of stairs starting to panic and very relieved to be put down before 3rd flight of stairs and the exit
Not had much gig experience because I’ve not been to many, and each time I have I’ve made sure i’ve gone with someone and stayed relatively close to someone I know for these exact reasons. I have countless from clubs though. I’ve been randomly groped and fondled countless times, including one time where a guy seemed to make a game of it by grabbing my arse as he walked past. I knew it was him because the sleazy fucker smirked at me every time.
I’ve had the full on grab, grope and grind when I was dancing at a fetish club, with friends literally right next to me. The fucker thankfully got kicked out and banned…after I nearly broke his fingers.
My first ever night out drinking in town I got my drink spiked. Thank fuck the people I was with were more experienced and made sure I got home.
I’ve had people stick their hands down my top, up my skirt. One of the gigs I was at someone pulled my top down so I could ‘show more lace’ meaning my bra. I didn’t know this man.
Latest one was when I was out on the town in newcastle a few weeks back and I was on the dancefloor alone, my friends were sat on a table. I ended up between a glass wall and a large guy who kept grabbing me and kissing me, and I had no way out. Too loud for yelling to work, shoving and kicking wasn’t working. I ended up eventually managing to wriggle free and legged it. I made the guys leave the club after because I just couldn’t stand being where he was. He then tried to add me on facebook and tried to stalk me via here.
Had a guy put his hand up my skirt in a club. He literally just walked past put his hand in and kept walking. I think I was 19 at the time. And my boyfriend was standing right next to me.
Too many times to count guys have had a pinch/feel of my butt. One so persistently that I poured a pint over his head. I’m not small – 5’10, and this still happens.
I’m now nearly 40 and I *still* have guys who won’t take hints that I’m not interested in clubs until a male friend comes over to ‘rescue’ me. Because obviously my own ‘no’ does not hold as much weight as another blokes.
I love to dance. It is not a question of if someone will try and hit on me on the dance floor. It is a question of when. Even when you move away from them. Turn your back on them. Make no eye contact. This sadly is my experience of most clubs.
Oh, and I’d forgotten about the guy who tried to follow me home. I walked past him in the street on my way home from a night out, it was late. He asked directions, then just kept trying to walk with me. I literally had to stop in the middle of the street and refuse to move until he walked away far enough he could not see where I was going.
I’ve djed for years and worked in pubs as well as having been a regular gig and club goer. Just because a club is alternative it does not make it a safe space. Here’s some of my stories.
1) Heineken festival 1995 watching Skunk Anansie, Had someone rub up against me in the pit and had to deal with an unwanted erection up against my bum for most of the gig.
2) Standing at the bar of a club where I was resident DJ and having a complete stranger come up, place both hands on my breasts and squeezing them. When I challenged him he announced “just wanted to check if they were real”.
3) At an industrial festival in the UK watching a band, felt a hand creep up my skirt and fondle my bum, when I turned around the person who did it just smirked at me.
4) When I worked in a pub a customer used to come in and try and chat me up all the time. I was standing on a chair closing some windows after we had closed and felt hands on my bum. I kicked behind me without thinking and it was this customer who had done it. I had kicked him in the groin whilst wearing steel toe capped boots. The pub never banned him but told me off for kicking him…
5) At a club in Canada for the first night of a festival, was standing at the bar and had someone place their hands on my bum and cup it. They then melted into the crowd before I could find them.